Pub sports.Let's face it, this is definitely our strong suit. Darts, cribbage, skittles, snooker, you name it; if you can drink ten pints of lager and smoke a pack of bensons while you're playing it, we're world beaters. When was the last time anyone won a darts tournament weighing in at less than about 225 pounds?
The modern triathlon (drinking, throwing chairs at the police, fighting foreigners).
OK, so we might have been resting on our laurels here recently, especially after a disappointing showing at the 2002 and 2006 World Cups, and we'd definitely face stiff competition from Europe and Argentina. However the skills of our mighty island people are well established, as stadiums, cafe owners and and outdoor garden funiture manufacturers across Europe will attest.
"....our culture is clearly superior to yours
and here's a chair in the face to underline my undeniable logic ......"
Cultural looting.
The Elgin Marbles, the Stone of Destiny, Cleopatra's Needle and most of the contents of the British Museum all have one thing in common. We stole them. Not content with subjugating half the known world to British rule at one time or another, we also helped ourselves to anything shiny that looked like it might be expensive, or 'really tied the room together'.
Teaching sports to foreigners (and then losing to them all the time).
We invented cricket, rugby and the modern game of association football and then generously shared them with the rest of the world. In six rugby world cups, eighteen football world cups, thirteen UEFA championships and nine cricket world cups, we've managed a pathetic two winners trophies. At the first two world cups, we were so sure of our dominance in the sport, that we actually didn't bother turning up. A change to this tactic has not seen a considerable improvement in results.
In England, sport is used to teach youngsters about coping with pain, despair and failure.
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